“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” – Oprah Winfrey
This seems obvious. Relationship is a team. A Marriage is a team. But often, this is the first thing that breaks down.
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“Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are.” – Houssaye
This may go against everything we’ve been taught about being equal in a relationship. In my model, men and women are equal in relationship – but we freely choose to come at it from different ways.
Many years ago, when I was turning around my marriage, I read many books that helped me. Parenting books, Shirley Luthman’s wonderful book about Masculine and Feminine energy, Intimacy: The Essence of Male & Female, Shakti Gawain’s Living In The Light, books on Assertiveness Training for women, and Dr. Patricia Allen’s great works, Getting To I Do and Staying Married And Loving It, in which she goes deeply into the concept of Masculine and Feminine energy, its basis in psychological theory, and how it works and doesn’t in our relationships.
More recently, the works of David Deida, especially his Dear Lover, can help you understand these concepts from a male point-of-view.
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When things aren’t going well in a relationship, survival skills get activated. One part of you wants to run,
leave, go to Tahiti, find another man. Though this part can get bold and fearless – which often feels good – it usually only distracts from the real problems and the real solutions.
The other part just wants to tear your man apart.
This is the part that is so scared of the relationship breaking down, the part that has so little faith in the relationship itself that all you can do is attack, and then cry.
Most of us go back and forth between these two.
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What if Mr. Right-for-You really is out there looking for you? Are you willing to commit to being in a relationship?
We say we are, but are we really? Not wanting to be lonely, or wanting a date for Saturday night isn’t enough to keep a
relationship together.
It’s your decision to share your life with someone that opens up the doors to your dream relationship. Really think about it.
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“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” – Anonymous
How do you know if your husband or boyfriend has what it takes to step up to the plate and be a full partner for you? You don’t. Key #1 is about deciding, right now, up front, if he’s worth your commitment to him.
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