The tool of being able to return again and again to the positive, as gently as you can, works like a magic wand. You
can wave it over any moment of relationship conflict.
Instantly, you’ll see a way out of the cycles and patterns of anger and defensiveness that got you into trouble in the first place. [...]
When you’ve filled the page (and perhaps more pages – on your computer or in a journal,) look over what you’ve written. Pick out 3 of your favorite observations. Circle them or rewrite them here:
An example would be: He touches me on my cheek and looks into my eyes, and I just melt. Or He’s [...]
This Stopping will be a very important tool for you throughout the program, and I want you to start practicing it
now. Stop what you’re doing. Completely turn away from the unhappy thought and the conversation in your head about it.
With as little energy as possible (and this is important – no wrenching, pulling, no belittling [...]
Even if you believe that you do know what you want – it’s the specific, sensual details of your desire that starts the
wheels in motion. Throughout this book, we’ll be using guided imagery and fantasy to help bring vague desires into
3-D wants you can actually see and feel.
Let’s start by imagining the perfect relationship Your [...]
“Having someone wonder where you are when you don’t come
home at night is a very old human need.” – Margaret Mead.
Many of us don’t even believe we deserve what brings us pleasure and so we don’t allow ourselves to want it. Many of us squelch down the desire so quickly that we don’t even give [...]
It’s a myth that you have to “work” on a relationship.
All you need is an instruction book, a mentor, and partner to work with.
The relationship or first date itself is the tutorial.
Now, more than fifteen years later, my marriage just gets better every day. Sometimes I stand around amazed at
my good fortune. I know that my husband is the same good man he was before, and that our good marriage has created a place for us both to grow into the best people we can be, [...]
I noticed that I was saying and doing things that were completely destructive to my idea of what a great romance and marriage should be. I was making sure there was no real intimacy, trust and passion in the relationship, and I was
angry with him about it!
First, affection slowed down. Laughing and being silly stopped. Sex stopped. I was getting nervous and anxious and
not sleeping well. He was moody. Angry. Withdrawing from me. We tried couples therapy, which only made me feel
angrier and more hopeless. This went on for almost four years until, in desperation, I figured it out.
I’d found instructions [...]